A Demon Wants my Virginity: Hiei the German
by HazardousToYourHealth
Summary: (Rated for Mature Themes) I feel that this is the only way Hiei would ever go after a girl. I actually even doubt that under these circumstances Hiei would go after a girl... but work with me. It's basically a messed up and stupid fanfic. Please read memo
1. Default Chapter

(Someplace dark... and damp... and eerie... and possible evil... hum...OH I GOT IT! She's in her room!)

Hazard: Hey zu allen aus dort! (sigh) German man, German. Anyway, welcome again to another one of my sucky attempts to try to recreate Yu Yu Hakusho for my own twisted pleasure... and maybe yours. Anyway, uh... I'd like to thank Jelly Belly (otherwise known as Chibi Piracy here) for giving me the idea of this FanFiction which I am butchering steadily (may it rest in peace after its slow, painful death). Sowieso, here is the sad, sad story of one unfortunate fire demon and his hat.

Key for those poor sheltered fools out there:

Hat: Virginity

German: Virgin

Fun: Sex

.... Other things that are not listing here that seem suggestive... prolly ARE suggestive.

ENJOY!!!!

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Chapter One: For He is the Ruler of Hat and German

"And that's how I got my hat collection." Youko concluded his very vivid tales of all his conquests. Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei had all gone over to Kuwabara's house, and sat around being bored and stupid for a while. Finally, to escape the idiocy of the two baka's, formerly known as Kuwabara and Yusuke, Kurama let Youko take over. Since there was nothing to do or talk about, Youko fell back on his old standby: discussing all his adventures of fun.

"Wow." Yusuke mumbled in reverence.

"Cool." Kuwabara drooled in mid day-dream.

"Hn." Hiei snorted from his perch on the windows ledge.

"Hiei, did none of my tales interest you?" Youko asked the fire demon in a mock hurt voice.

"Why should they?" Hiei snapped, turning his fiery red eyes on the Kitsune, "I have no concern for that pointless bullsht."

"C'mon shorty... I mean, even you gotta... well... you know..." Kuwabara mumbled, not quite sure what he was saying himself.

"No, I don't." Hiei scoffed, getting up to leave Kuwabara's house.

"Oh, I see... you don't have anything." Youko sneered, shifting in his chair so his back was facing Hiei... who by the way had stopped his mad rush (fine, fine, slow walk) to freedom.

"What are you implying fox?" He asked. Yusuke and Kuwabara quickly scurried up from their daydreaming perches on the floor, to some front row couches.

"Nothing... nothing at all... just that... well... there's no moon where the sun don't shine." Youko said, a grin spreading across his face.

"Aw, so poor Hiei is 'friendless'?" Yusuke sniggered as Kuwabara's eyes widened. "Man, that's too bad. I dunno what I'D do without Jordan!"

"Holy sht! And all this time I've been around him! NOW I KNOW WHY HE ALWAYS GAVE ME THOSE LOOKS!" Kuwabara yelled, as he shivered.

Hiei's eyes widened and his mouth parted slightly in anger and surprise.

"You baka's!" he yelled, "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Ph," Youko snorted, "prove it."

"What?" Hiei asked, lowering his katana which he had just used to beat Kuwabara over the head.

"I said, prove it." Youko said, turning to Hiei with an evil grin on his handsome face.

"Yeah," Yusuke began to pick up on what Youko was talking about, "You get a girl and lose you're hat... and we'll never doubt you again." Kuwabara stopped rubbing his head long enough to let out a snigger.

"Hn. Where am I supposed to get an onna?" Hiei asked, not liking this idea at all.

Youko shrugged. "Anywhere. Hey, I'll even HELP you get a girl... all you have to do is go in and out..." Youko's grin widened, "it's that easy."

Hiei looked unemotional as he shrugged. "Hn. Fine."

"Well then, let's go."

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Hazard: OK, yes it was short... but I wanna know if anyone likes the ideas, has any suggestions, blah, blah, blah. So now, go review the story. I am open to ANY suggestions, and I don't mind creative criticism.

Hiei: Baka onna. I am no German.

Hazard: Aw, it's ok Hiei. No need to feel embarrassed. I haven't misplaced my hat either and I'm proud of it. The only time I'm gunna put my hat up on the rack is when I've got a ring up on my fin... ger.

Hiei: (rolls eyes) Another thing this fool of a writer wants all you "peeps" to know is that the rating on this story may go up. But it depends on what you... the peoples... the readers... the reviewers...

Hazard: (whispering frantically) Wink, Hiei, WINK!

Hiei: (glares at Hazard before winking at the reviews)

Hazard: (gives him the thumbs up)

Hiei: The reviews... want.

Hazard: (nodding) Yep, like I said I am MORE then open to suggestions.

Hiei: So tell the friggin baka what you want.

Hazard: Love ya'll! MWAH!


	2. MEMO!

Alrighty, for those of you who like this story so far and would like to read the rest of it, I will be posting "Hiei the German" (which is now renamed to "A Demon Wants My Virginity") on my new pen-name; Shadow In Darkness. I will put it up there after I am done with a one-shot I am doing at the moment. But right before I move it, I will post here telling you I have done that. Also, I am going to rewrite the first chapter just a tad, so it might be a little different.

I just want to do a shout-out to all of you who have reviewed so far: Icy Pheonix (Bwahahaha, nice), Bar-Ohki (I kind of scared her off... but I still want to thank her for reviewing), Neko-Jinx (WHOOT, WHOOT! -), KuramaIsFine (-cough-orange-cough-), Masked Wolf (scared her off too... –twitch-), Keiko Matsuura (Awesome... and here: littlebunniesofdoom (at) hotmail .come), Mary (Thanks for the compliment... hn. -), Gin-Ryu (No, thank YOU!), animeapplesauce (I'll be sure to use your idea, THANKS!), Lil KaWaIi AzN PrInCeSs (more hot cute fire demon on the way!)

THANK YOU ALL!!!

Please look out for "A Demon Wants My Virginity"!!!


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